I forgot to mention

 Thank you all for your responses to my last post.  I forgot to mention how important my blogging and the blogging community were in those difficult years.  It was so helpful to be able to loose myself in a creative, supportive community and share passions and ideas, and also receive such wonderful feedback constantly from all over the world. Thank you all.

 I'm feeling much better heading into the next week, and I wanted to mention how wonderful it was to see this well worn quilt hanging on the line in my sister's garden on my last visit Up North.  I make my quilts with love and to see them loved is my reward.

 Zinnia's would have to be one of my favourite Summer flowers.  They are so bright and cheery, and last for such a long time. 

 I have a soft spot for hydrangea's too.  I set up a watering system this Summer so they haven't suffered at all.  Soon it will be time to prune them all back.  I think I will take lots of cuttings this year.  There are always more places to plant them . . . don't you think?

Half Way

 Last year I turned 50.  I always thought that used to be half way.  But really and truly, people don't generally live to be 100 as a rule.

 Reaching this significant marker in my life, it got me thinking fairly seriously.  I have made some big decisions in the last couple of years. Looking back now some time has passed, I can see that they needed to be made, but the timing had to be right.  I'd been trapped in my own lunch box - hiding from the reality of desperate situations and finding it hard to breathe.  In order to keep the momentum of life going, I often behaved in a manic way, and sewed continuously, in my room, blocking the light of the world . . . of my world.

 I made beautiful quilts, a beautiful garden, and lived for the beauty of new wonders each day in the garden.  It is a sanctuary for me out there - just wandering and wondering, and sometimes not even thinking at all but just keeping so busy that I didn't have to face the harshness of my reality.

Almost 2 years ago, I separated and divorced my husband of 21 years.  Someone once said to me:

"what you want at 26 is not necessarily what you want at 46"

I have broken the family that I helped create and in so doing have broken my children's hearts.

It was a very hard decision to make - but I believe it was the right one.

I felt my life was over - I was going through the motions -

Figuring that I am actually past half way, I decided that I needed to be happy.  I decided I deserved love in my life. I decided that I could use a break from living constantly on the edge, watching my words and following rules.

I made a choice.

I still love my children.

I am still their mum.

I will always be their mum.

I am a stronger person now, but every now and then I feel helpless and have some bad days.  This week those days have found me.

I've spent most of the day . . . in my garden

 

My Ballarat

 Yesterday I went for a lovely walk in the local Botanical Gardens.

 I am always delighted at just how beautiful they are.  A lot of work goes into maintaining them, and I really should walk through there more often.

 My main motive was to look inside their glass house, and see what they had growing in there.  I thought it would give me some ideas for mine.

 It is a magnificent structure in the gardens and it was just lovely inside.  I sat on the comfy chairs for awhile just 'drinking' it all in.

 I have water Lillie plants in my garden fish pond, but I have never been lucky enough to get a flower.  These were just beautiful.

 The sun was shining, and the band was playing music in the park across the road.  It made for a very pleasant afternoon in the gardens.

I think I'll go back again another day.